a summary up until now. 2 hours ago, I just turned 22. buts lets go back to the beginning. Since i don’t remember my age at certain points specifically, i’ll go by my grade level….
pre-pre school… not to many memories. I just remember running around the house trying to find where my mom hid the candy. I remember that there was one cabinet that always seemed stuck and I just didn’t have the strength to open at the time. I always suspected the candy to be inside there! I remember I use to go to some daycare place at the vienna community center.
Pre-school til kindergarten…. not many memories. i remember this one kid in preschool threw this other kid’s jacket into a thorn bush… that was my first time witnessing bullying. I remember somewhere at this point, I developed an extreme dislike for people staring at me. kindergarten i encountered other kids that looked like me other than my family.
somewhere between kindergarten and 3rd grade… I remember at one point I had really really really dry hands so they would bleed all the time… that was the point in my life when i discovered the purpose of lotion! i was in learning disabilities math, and then i got tired of it and asked the teacher to move me up to normal math. obviously, they thought i was crazy so i had to prove to them that i could add. somewhere during this time i was also suspected by the school system of being autistic. i was then also tested for it, and i remember specifically being pulled out of class thinking i was special… hehe, “special”. anyways, i also became aware of girls somewhere around this time. not particularly liking girls, but you know… noticing that they existed. i was also never fully aware of the whole cooty thing…. i thought it was game everyone played that i just wasn’t filled in on.
4th grade… um… got sent to the principal office for the first time for writing… bad letters… had an awesome homeroom teacher that could potentially be qualified as my first crush (to my defense she was only in her 20’s)! went to some after school thing focused on cars, discovered sketching, first crush. deciding to move from normal math to advance math (not quite GT level, but better than normal. once again, i had to take a test for that too… clearly, i aced it ^_^). 1st Self-inflicted lacerations. also, decided to work out with 5 pound dumbbells and do ab workouts leading to me getting abs because i thought i was fat and weak. keep in mind, i watched a lot of dragonball z… so if you know DBZ, you know i watched a lot of training scenes. lol. oh yeah almost forgot, punched someone in the face…. i think his name was zach… i felt really bad afterwards. He was actually a friend of mine that i walked home with… he just wouldn’t stop talking, and i guess i was having a day where a simple “shut up” or “be quiet” or “stop talking” would not suffice (or didn’t even come to mind at the time)… the kid was actually in my older brother’s grade (2 years above), and i remember my brother and my cousin being really happy and excited i did it… (bullies)…. like i said, I HONESTLY felt bad about it!
5th grade…my math teacher loved milkshakes, and made milkshakes of any kind for the kids who solved her weekly math problem. this led to me discovering that I would do extra work for incentives… such as food. it is good to be rewarded.
6th grade… Seussical. broken foot, punched a kid who pushed me when i had a broken foot. developed crazy respect for military. encountered Chinese FOB… like literally FOB.
somewhere between 5th and 6th grade… i had my first “gf”… ya know the whole lets hug and say we are bf and gf even though we don’t know what it really means! oh yeah, also stick FLE in 5th-6th grade too. Cussing was “cool”…
7th-8th grade… middle school… stuff happened, everyone was emo during this stage. everyone was confused… people start “like liking” each other and more… girls start standing out to boys at this age. just FYI, for anyone wondering. i was only taking honors math, not GT. nothing else honors, just normal every thing. got best dancer at the school… lucky me… i would’ve preferred the playstation raffle.
high school… decided to take full IB, aka the hardest classes offered. discovered love for science. girls were pretty important. english classes would just never give me that A! discovered passion for track and field, specifically jumping and hurdling! was known as the dancer… so naturally… spirit week… dance off… i got lucky… gymnasium filled with my class… got best dancer superlative. I really liked journalism, though i couldn’t write. I ended up doing yearbook my senior year because newspaper didn’t fit my schedule for taking IB physics HL. durring my time on publication staffs I discovered that I like photography and SLRs. ^_^ applied to three schools, and then applied to Johns Hopkins… naturally i was stupid and accidentally spelled it Johns Hopkins (just so you know, at the time i was applying it was still officially “john hopkins university”). oh yeah, rejected UVA. sorry, hokie at heart.
freshmen year… 4.0, volunteering, saw someone die, pho, WIC, ran for VSA (they were like a family away from home! didn’t know anybody when i came to VCU), got really involved with dance thanks to breakology, met other poppers (now my Resonantz crew mates and brothers)! oh yeah, MAUVSA was great!!! one of my best friends came from VT/hokie nation to VCU for MAUVSA, so it was a lot of fun!!^_^ NOVA summer school… it was pretty easy. on my birthday i sat in my dorm room by myself and played the “happy birthday” song on youtube to myself. then as i was going to sleep, my fellow crew mates show up at my door to wish me happy birthday and eat my ramen! ^_^
sophomore year… cheated on, break up…… honestly, sophomore year, I have never felt confused (lets just say… every one thought i would be the one to cheat, so naturally some people didn’t believe me)… anyways filled the void with VSA, and of course… met girl in similar situation —> like any “rebound” relationship it starts out great, with happy moments and memories… then you both realize it was a rebound… regardless, i regret nothing because some of my best memories were during that time ^_^ lots of maturing and growing as a person. also, i gained a lot of weight…. I’ve never been heavier in my life. birthday party… it was fun. my best-friends came. I realized i had feelings with my best friend… got out of friend zone. oh yes, summer school. after my sophomore year, i knew i had to make some BIG changes if i wanted to become a dentist so i had to get my GPA up! Went to Hong Kong, and Shanghai Expo. it was a life changing experience, and i got to visit family! Also, i became much much more aware when dancing with girls, also dancing is just dancing so dance away, but i’m just saying… if you taken, you best keep your guard up!
junior year… had something to prove to my classmates. got all A’s in EGRB courses, unfortunately not so well in biochem or genetics… then spring semester, I did well ^_^ throughout my junior year, i started getting back into dance because realistically, it has become part of my life. Was still pretty much ghost all year though :( Summer time, bestfriend/girlfriend went to Brazil. Visited her so that i would be there on her 21st birthday^_^ Brazil is a beautiful, dangerous, and expensive place. lol. But it really is beautiful. I’ve never seen mountains and clean beaches in the same area together before. just saying, standing in the beach at Rio de Janiero Copacabana and look back at the city, and mountains. going to the top of Rocinha favela, or looking over Rio from Pao de Acucar and Cristo Redentor… I have never seen such beautiful views. The favela by itself changed my life. the kids/dancers/Michael Jackson impersonator performers I met in Lapa (if you wonder what Lapa or Rio de Janiero looks like, watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwbNesQeods&ob=av2e). Also before Brazil, I took DAT (studied like crazy, I never hope to push myself like that again), and applied to Dental Schools!!! ^_^ I could go on with more about Brazil, but maybe i’ll rant about that in another post. Junior year birthday… don’t really remember what i did. I don’t think i really celebrated.
Senior year… fall semester, gf still in brazil. I was waiting to hear back from dental schools. I kept myself busy with 19-20 hours of work a week, along with 16 credits, popping, dancing, anime, manga, got into capoeira, and skype. how did i manage the long long LONG distance relationship? maybe i’ll post that in another post for anyone else with a significant other in another country. Lets just say, trust is key, and admit that there is always potential temptation, the key is to trust that your significant other won’t give in to temptation. Although let me add, I became much more private concerning my personal feelings towards things, and just overall didn’t really talk about what was in my head. Not saying i didn’t talk at all, just when i talked, unless it was about dental school or dance, i was pretty much just like a robot, sure i’d say my opinion, sure i’d say what was on my mind. but was it very deep, not really. was it emotional? nope. did i convey any feelings at all? not really. I won’t lie, my sophomore year I felt confused and lonely, but at this point i would have to say i have never felt so alone… so feelings became a subject that i just avoided. never having any emotional conversations with anybody. i just kept myself preoccupied, and became me. I learned a whole lot about myself, because I had a lot of “me” time to just explore what I have always considered a part of me; dance. it could be said that I basically filled the void of having the gf be in another country with dancing.
My senior year, I had A LOT more time since i was only taking 16 credits (one an art class, so it helped expand my creativity which ultimately helped my dancing ^_^) so i finally got to get back into dance. also this year was the year that the original officers and founders of Poppers of VCU let the younger heads lead. well i’ma be blunt and honest and say i’m disappointed in whats happened to my org, since it was something I poured myself into. The product of my crew, Resonantz essentially. So it was disheartening, but we had legit popper teaching as well as appointed to VP, so that was amazing!!! had someone already thoroughly immersed in the hiphop culture, so my understanding and appreciation of course only increased (all adding to my passion for dance). and, sure Poppers of VCU isn’t as big as it use to be, but I just got to have faith in the younger generation to bring it back up. Also the formation of Urban Generation 4 aka UG4 was born, and that really made me take pride in having been a founder of Poppers of VCU, friends with the founderes of Breakology and be in the same crew as the founder of Blank Canvas. The birth of a dance movement, a scene that has been growing from the first generation (Breakology), to the 2nd generation (Poppers of VCU), 3rd generation (Blank Canvas), and now UG4 the young generation in charge of keeping the passion and vision of dance and hiphop culture that all the orgs promoted! A dancer is who I am. After being out of it my sophomore and junior year, I don’t ever want to put dance on hold again. i honestly can’t describe myself unless i include being a dancer in my description!
winter break until spring… the gf came home! well, how do you expect people to act after 6 months apart? naturally, there was A LOT of catching up to do. there still is, but i’ll just say anything is possible as long both parties are willing to put in the work! as for the spring semester… interviews and waiting game. work, ASL (American Sign Language), capoeira, and popping and raving. VSA modern dance and fashion show. It is my last year, I want to take part in the culture show and the org that welcomed me, and i became president of. Capoeira and dancing… i can honestly ramble on for a long time about this subject, so i’ll save that for a later post. either way… today is my birthday, and i can’t sleep. So i decided to narrate my life through this blog. the plus of this is that this serves as a draft for if i ever write a autobiography ^_^
Im gonna be better than the best. Ill set a new standard. Ill accomplish everything while not giving up any part of me! Just watch me become amazing and see me set a new standard for the best!
So tonight, i was reminded about all my many ambitions in life and how I wish to basically… become the best. simple enough. got a whole lot I need to improve myself on… far from perfect, but no where near giving up.
All my goals, I want it as much as I want to breathe.
I got reminded of a world I thought I would have nothing to do with again tonight. Some people think they are invincible… but does that invincibility come at the expense of others lives? a reminder of fear, and forced bravery but also a reminder of what reality really consists of.
this whole not being able to sleep at night is really messing up my schedule….